Mothers and Daughters

My mother and I don't always get along very well. More often than not, it seems that one of us is saying the wrong thing, presses the wrong buttons and, as a result, our conversations tend to be quite explosive! Yet, in our heart of hearts, we know that we love each other dearly. I always felt, though, that my dad could understand me more than any other person in the world - this is probably why I'll never get over his sudden death eight years ago.

With my mum - Nicosia, September 1958

I've often had a rather strained relationship with my mother. She'd criticise almost everything - my hair, my clothes, my friends, my behaviour or attitude, my opinion on various issues, the way I decorate my flat, my flat in general - the list is endless! I strongly felt being under scrutiny and, as a result, I avoided sharing my secrets or troubles with her. On the other hand, I admit to my flaws. I'm kind of blunt and always speak my mind because I'd rather say something to somebody's face than behind their back. In other words, I'm not diplomatic! Our relationship improved a lot when I decided to see things from her point of view.

My mum - Christmas Eve 2004

I felt I could understand her better and eventually realised how much she cared and how wrong I was to pick on her. By appreciating the positive side of her character, I was able to connect with her and communicate much better. For example, she never meddled in my life, never made any comments whatsoever. On the contrary, she was a pattern of discretion. My mum is the sweetest and kindest person I've ever known. Despite her occasional criticisms, she's always been there for me offering her support in times of hardship and sharing my happiness in times of joy. Now I know that she's done an excellent job and I'll be forever thankful for all the sacrifices she's made for me and my brother.

On a summer holiday with my mother - August 2005

All day today, I had in mind to post something about my mother and, in the first place, I considered reblogging my post from last year. Finally, I realised that I had a lot more to say about the most wonderful mum in the world!

Comments

[Kofla Olivieri]

Happy Mothers Day!

[Lakis Ioannou]

Thank you for this heartfelt post and beautiful photos of you and your mum. Sometimes we'd hurt the people we love most because we don't realise how much they care. I'm glad you do. My mother went through a lot of hardships. She worked in the fields all day while being a wonderful mother and wife. So whenever I see her now, I never forget to tell her how proud I am of her.

[Karolina]

Your mother looks so young and beautiful! And you were such a cute baby!!

[Stefania]

I gave my mother a special treat yesterday. I invited her to lunch and we celebrated all together. I also got lovely flowers and a gift from my boys. I have a wonderful relationship with them but I really don't know what it would be like if I had a daughter!

[Laura]

Anastasia, by trying to look at things from your mum's point of view, you have made one big step toward improving your relationship. But mothers and daughters aren't always best friends. Storm clouds in the adult mother-daughter relationship most often arise over one very basic question: "Will the mother accept the daughter as an adult?" That means, when she's visiting you, does she let you run your house? Does she trust you to be independent on small issues as well as large — who are you with, what's your sexuality, where do you work, how do you spend your money? Letting the daughter be her own woman is a universal issue.

[Jim]

All relationships are vulnerable since we, as humans, are imperfect. But through your heartfelt writing, I can see a very strong bond between you and your mother and a loving daughter who is very proud of her beautiful mum.

[Constantinos]

Such a beautiful tribute to your mother and your way to connect with her. The generation gap may lead to misunderstaings or arguments, but I believe that true love always exists between mothers and daughters, and more generally, between parents and children. I often felt closer to my daughter than my son. A chat with my son often turned into an argument for trivial reasons whereas I never had such a problem with my daughter. By talking over things and trying to understand him proved to be the best approach.

[Haruko N]

Great post and thank you for sharing these lovely photos with your mom. I used to fight a lot with my mother, usually over unimportant things - e.g. the way I dressed, why I didn't visit her more often and she would ask questions about my salary, my boss, my friends.... It was only when I lost her in the tsunami two months ago that I realized how much time we lost both of us arguing, instead of showing our love. I often feel guilty now because I should have tried to be more understanding.

[Jean-Paul Bouvier]

Ma soeur ne s'entend pas toujours bien avec notre mère, mais au fond elles s'adorent tout comme toi tu aimes ta merveilleuse maman et je suis certain que c'est en réciproque.

[Sophia]

I had a special relationship with my mother. She was a remarkable woman and a shoulder to cry on when I had a problem. When she lost the battle with cancer a few years ago, I thought it was the end of the world. I would also like to thank you, in public, Anastasia, for all the moral support and your online time you offered me for so many months after my mother's loss. Although we have never met in person, you were there for me and I will never forget it. Thank you for sharing your experience and these great photos of your mother.

[Marilou Kyriacou]

This is the best post I have read on Mather's Day! So loving and tender.

[Christina]

My mother is the typical Greek mother: she worries too much about everything! She calls me five times a day to ask if I eat well, if I have a new boyfriend, if I get on well with my boss, if I need any help with the housework...but even if she can be very infuriating at times, I love her very much!

[Account Deleted]

Just like you Anastasia, I used to have a difficult relationship with my mother because I was a "rebellious teenager" in her eyes....though in my standards, I wasn't rebelling at all....just like any other teenager, I wanted to assert my own point of view and identity. But because my mom still saw me like the rebellious teenager until I was in my 30's....we didn't get along. She wouldn't listen to what I say nor believe me and she'd believe others rather than me. She would tell other people that I am an "unlovely" child because I "disobeyed " her and didn't listen to her. I loved my mom so much but it's just that I hated it when she did not trust me nor even believe a word I say. Until I figured that there's something I should do to ease the strain---that I need to pray and ask God to intervene in this challenging relationship, and I need to ask for more "humility" whenever we talk. That I just have to listen to her and make her understand by saying "I love you " and "I care for you" all the time while explaining things to her. Thank God and praise God showed me. Since then our relationship improved. My mother , honestly, is undeniably a very generous, supportive, loving and compassionate person. She is such an amazing person who lights up every room.
It's great that you have finally understood her better and now have a better relationship with her...moms are great and I know they always want the best for us.

[Anastasia]

You have so many reasons to be proud of your mother, Lakis. Women like her are hard to find nowadays.

[Anastasia]

Now, this sounds like a great party! Isn't it wonderful to celebrate Mother's Day with your mother and your amazing boys?

[Anastasia]

The truth is that my mother lets me be my own woman. She has never meddled in my personal life as an adult daughter. But when she's visiting, I'd really love to spoil her rotten because I don't see her very often. Although she is not herself a cleanliness freak, she'd clean and tidy over and over again my own flat even though I tell her not to bother about household chores as I employ a lady for that and, believe me, she is very good at her job!

[Anastasia]

The truth is that, despite our differences, I am very proud of my mother.

[Anastasia]

You're right, Constantinos. Talking about problems is very important in any relationship.

[Anastasia]

Thank you for stopping by, Kofla. It's much appreciated.

[Anastasia]

For a 75 year-old lady, she looks great!

[Anastasia]

Don't feel guilty, Haruko. Just cherish the good memories.

[Anastasia]

Quand on aime, on se dispute parfois. Nul n'est infallible.

[Anastasia]

That was only natural, Sophia. Time heals. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend!

[Anastasia]

Thank you, Marilou!

[Anastasia]

I guess we are still ...babies for our mothers. I'm 53 but my mother often tells me not to forget to take a jumper as it's "still chilly at this time of year!"

[Anastasia]

Bing, I can relate so well to your comment despite our age difference. As a teenager, I felt exactly as you did. Cmmunication does wonders, though. Yes, it's important to talk and explain things.

[Alexia M]

What a beautiful post about your mother! When my mother visits me in Amsterdam, I feel I am under her continuous inspection and when I tell her so, we either have an argument or she sadly says:"This is not ..inspection, it's caring!" But we love each other very much and that's what matters. Great post and great photos!!!

[Anastasia]

That's exactly what it boils down to, Alexia. However exasperating our mothers can be at times, they always care for us like no one else.

[Andy]

I hardly ever agree with mum but we talk a lot and I love her to death! Beautiful post and great photos!

[Tipper]

A lovely post! Sometimes I hear myself telling my girls the same annoying things my Mother use to tell me : ) I'm glad you and your Mother are close!

[Anastasia]

So am I, Tipper. I love my mum so much even if we may argue at times.