I've just stumbled upon these jokes which had me in stitches and thought I'd share them with you. Naturally, it's all in good fun!
you call someone who speaks three languages?
you call someone who speaks two languages?
you call someone who speaks one language?
How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
The hostess at a British historical site was trying to arrange tours for the visitors, so that they could hear the tour in their respective languages. "Auf Deutsch, hier", she called out, and "Français ici". As the tourists separated into groups, one man was left in the middle. She walked over to him and asked, "Do you speak English?".
The man responded with a bemused look, "Well, ma'am, I've been in your country three weeks, and I'm not sure anymore, so I'll let you decide. I'm an American."
Three recently deceased persons, a Brit, a Russian, and an American, are making their way down to Hell. Each is carrying something with him: The Brit is carrying a shovel, the Russian is carrying an extra pair of shoes, and the American is carrying some cans of liquid. As they trudge along, the American asks his comrades why they're carrying the things they are.
The Brit responds, "Well, sir, I know the Devil keeps it awfully hot in Hell, and he makes blokes like us shovel coal to keep it that way. I was always fond of this particular shovel when I worked in the mines back home, so I brought it along for the job."
The Russian responds, "Like our comrade says, it's awfully hot in Hell. These shoes have thick soles that protected me from the ice and snow of Siberia, and I'm hoping that they can save my feet from the hot ground on which we'll be toiling for eternity."
The American puts down his cans and says in disbelief, "If it's as hot in Hell as you fellows say, then do you mean I'm not going to be able to get ice for my Coca-Cola?"