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November 06, 2010

Comments

Constantinos

I filed for divorce four years ago because I couldn't go on living with my ex wife for my own good reasons.. I also agreed that the mother of my children would have the custody. My kids were used to living in that house, I didn't want to disrupt their habits. I also did not want to turn my kids into a tennis ball! Despite some difficulties, I'm glad my kids understand the truth now.

Laura

A lot of people "forget" children during the process of divorce. They forget to tell the children about what is about to happen. In this case, divorce is certainly a curse for the children. It is very upsetting for them to be suddenly told that Mum and Dad are getting divorced now.

It is better for the children if they are made aware their parents are talking about a divorce. They can be told for example that Mum and Dad have some problems. We don't know how it's all going to end, whether we're going to get a divorce or find another solution. We're working hard to solve the problems and we're getting help.

I believe that children should never be involved in the discussion. That is way too big a responsibility. They just need to know what is going on. If the children of a
couple know at an early stage that their parents may break up, they will not lose trust when the divorce finally happens. A child also learns that openness is a good thing and that it is OK to talk about problems.

Above all, honesty is a must. When a child asks a question, we should answer truthfully, even when talking about divorce and what might happen next.We should be aware of what a child's reactions might be and talk about how they feel. A
certain amount of self-discipline on the parents part is required. The divorce is likely to be very difficult to deal with, but sometimes the children must be put first and allowed to express their frustrations and feelings.

Jim

The pain that children feel in divorce comes from a number of sources. As their family falls apart, children will feel quite vulnerable. The loss of the family unit will cause the children to grieve, because most children did not know that their parents' divorce was coming, while the parents may have known for a long time. Additional grief comes from missing the parent that does not have primary custody, and additional anger may come from disruptions to the family routine and a sense of powerlessness. Adding to their stress, children in divorcing families almost never get the support that people going through other forms of bereavement, like having a loved one die, receive. Sadly, many adults are either ignorant of the problem or unwilling to seek help.

Karolina

My parents have recently divorced. I was 28 then but I can't say that the divorce didn't affect me. I was still living with them and felt like my family life was disrupted - everyday habits that I had to forget like kissing dad goodbye before he went to work or put 4 dishes on the table. Naturally when the children are themselves adults, they can be more understanding but they still hurt and still would do everything they can to see their parents together again.

Jean-Paul Bouvier

Il est essentiel d'expliquer la situation à  l'enfant, même petit, il comprend. Un enfant confronté à  une situation douloureuse de conflits entre ses parents souffre moins si on lui explique simplement les choses. L'enfant souffre plus des disputes et des conflits entre ses parents que de la séparation en elle-même. En effet, il est réceptif à ce climat qu'il ressent comme violent. L'enfant est réceptif au climat émotionnel dans lequel il vit, c'est pourquoi, il se doute souvent que cela ne va pas, même quand les parents ne lui ont rien dit.
L'idée est de pouvoir lui expliquer la situation ensemble, dans un moment de calme, cela suppose que les parents mettent de côté leur conflit, pour assumer leur rôle de parents responsables face à l'enfant.
On peut dire par exemple : " Entre papa et moi, ce n'est plus comme avant, nous ne nous entendons plus comme mari et femme, c'est pourquoi, papa (ou maman) va aller vivre dans une autre maison, qui sera aussi ta maison. Lui expliquer tout ce que cela implique concrètement, dans sa vie quotidienne. Déculpabiliser l'enfant est impératif: en effet, l'enfant se croit souvent responsable de la mésentente de ses parents, il faut lui dire qu'il n'y est pour rien, que ce n'est pas à  cause de lui, car il peut croire par exemple, qu'il n'a pas été assez gentil ou pas assez sage. Rassurer l'enfant sur l'amour que ses deux parents lui portent est capital : en effet, il peut croire que si ses parents cessent de s'aimer, alors il peut arriver un jour que ses parents cessent de l'aimer lui. Il faut donc lui redire que ses parents l'aiment et qu'il sera toujours l'enfant de papa et de maman, qu'il aura toujours cette place dans le coeur de ses deux parents.

Mrkmakth

What really is destroying the sanctity of marriage these days? Well the answer is simple. It is everyone. 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce. 41%-50% off all first marriages end in divorce, 60%-67% for second marriages, and 73%-74% of all third marriages. Divorce rates are increasing at an alarming rate and continue with the main reason being infidelity. In my personal opinion I believe that marriage has become a huge joke. It really has become a piece of paper that says when you cheat or if you piss me off I get to leave with half your stuff, if I depend on you for income you now have to support me until I die or remarry, and if there is children evolved you will pay for those as well. In my opinion there should be a ban on all marriage and only allow a civil union for the legal purpose of property. It is not for love these days, it is a business arrangement between two consenting adults. Hugs ~ Mark

Lakis Ioannou

A divorce is painful for both parents and children. I believe that children are much happier in an environment where there are no fights between mum and dad. So, in this case a divorce is a blessing. However, children have the right to know why mum and dad are getting a divorce. Children often feel guilty about their parents' divorce and this is when divorce can be a curse.

Christina

I'm 30 something and yet unwilling to exchange wedding vows with my significant other. Probably because I haven't found yet my "soul mate". When I look around, apart from my parents who are happily-married, most of my friends are divorced or considering a divorce. Some of them decide to compromise because of the kids (still too young) or because of money. I could never compromise for money and I believe that there is always a way - a good way - to deal with the children without making them feel guilty. I understand French, so I agree on everything Jean-Paul said here in the comments. Children should never feel guilty about their parents' divorce and parents should make it clear that mommy and daddy will live in separate homes which will be always their homes too. It's very important to make children feel safe when their parents decide to divorce.

Phivos Nicolaides

Divorce, is not the best thing in life in all respects...

Account Deleted

I know a lot of people who have been divorced or products of divorced parents. My husband's parents divorced when he was 17 and it greatly affected him so much----emotional security and self-esteem. Great thing he had overcame them because out of the pain, he chose to move on and pick up the pieces to make them tools to improve his well-being.
I don't think divorce is a blessing ----with or without children. As for my opinion, if two people can get over their self-interests and forget about their own needs for the sake of their marriage, their relationships always work out ---with hope, prayers and faith.

Stefania

Some people would file for divorce on the spur of the moment without thinking of the consequences. I believe that a couple who's facing problems in their marriage should first make an effort to talk about them, express their feelings and, if necessary, get professional help. Divorce should be the last resort - especially when there are children. Even if both parents explain the problem, children are always hurt when they realise that their family life and routine will have to change completely.

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